This weekend I had the opportunity to go on a women's retreat with the ladies from my church. Even though I'm not married, and don't have children, I was still warmly welcomed. We relaxed, ate amazing food, went to the beach, worshiped together, read the word, and ate some more amazing food.
Looking back over the weekend, I can see exactly where God worked in me and changed me.
Because the day I left for the retreat, I was ready to be done. As in pack up my bags, and catch the next flight to the states.
I knew that when I decided to stay in Chile longer, my second part would be hard. But I guess I just didn't expect it to be this hard. I was sick for a couple of weeks, and Satan snatched that chance up and had starting attacking me big time. I felt like I didn't have a reason to be here, I didn't have direction...and more than anything really, I felt numb. I was a complete mess.
On the bus ride to the retreat Friday night, I found myself wondering how I gotten that low. To top it all off, I felt guilty because I'm here to serve people... not get homesick and want to leave everything.
I remember looking at my dear friend Ale, who is leaving to share the gospel in Africa with her family tomorrow. I swear, over the past couple months every time I saw her she was happier. This weekend was no exception. I remember feeling exactly how she's feeling now, so excited and just so ready to be there. Then I wondered what had changed.
I was talking with my dear friend Christine about how I had been feeling..and she pointed out that it's just not missions that are hard. Life is hard.
If we follow God and His plan for our life, it's going to be blessed, but it's not always going to be easy. We've all heard that before. But it's a lot easier to say it, than it is to actually face the storms that pass through our lives. That I know.
But what brings us closer to Him is when we keep seeking Him in those storms.... even when we forget how we once felt, when we don't feel anything.
I don't know why God has brought me to Chile yet. Why He chose a normal girl from the little broken city of Joplin. And it'll probably be a while before I know... If I ever get to understand it in its' entirety.
But this weekend He gently took me in His arms again and reminded me, again, that I'm exactly where He needs me to be. I can't even describe how wonderful that feeling is.
Last night I was praying and thanking God for bringing me to this realization once again. I realized I was really close to giving up on what He has planned for me... and that scared me. I mean, I was really close. I had talked to my mom about changing the ticket, and just had to think of a date.
And here I am today, sad because I only have 3 months left. Funny how God works.
So my prayer is that for anyone else that may be reading this and is ready to cash out, that they will remember how they felt the exact moment they realized what God had called them to do.
When God calls you to do something, what will you do when the excitement goes away?
Proverbs 3.5-6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
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